1.21.2014

never let anyone tell you that what you feel isn't real

People can be so quick to judge each other's relationships. I'm not saying that I haven't been guilty of this in the past, but ever since I started talking to Handsome, my perspective has changed a little.

Like I've mentioned a million times, Handsome and I began talking online. After communicating over the phone for a few months, we knew we had something special before we even hung out in person. Once we finally got to be together, I knew he was it for me. Yeah, we'd been talking for only a few months, and yes we only got to hang out a few times over the course of one month, but I knew. He was the first man that I'd ever had feelings that strong for. I thought I knew what love was before I met him, but he made me realize that what I felt before wasn't even close to the real thing. Of course I shared this with my friends- who doesn't love to talk about their current love interest? But they didn't necessarily understand. They didn't understand how I could already (possibly) love him after only being with him a few times. They thought I was jumping in too quickly. Maybe I was, but I just knew.  I couldn't tell them enough. I know that he's special. I know that he's not going to hurt me. I know that we can make it as a couple even though were across the world from each other.

Of course, my friends thought they knew better than I did. They still didn't believe that what I felt was real. They couldn't believe that I could fall for someone so fast. They judged my relationship. It hurt me. I felt like I couldn't talk about it with them. I felt secure in my relationship- shouldn't that be enough for them? I understand they were concerned, and they didn't want me to get hurt. But not having that support from your friends, or even having "support," but knowing that their judging you, is hard. Especially when they're your only support system. I didn't have Handsome there. I was away from the man I loved, and I needed that support from my friends. But I didn't ask for it because I didn't want to be judged.
judge, relationship, Never let anyone tell you that what you feel isn't real, endlessly beloved, love
When I was going to spend the summer with Handsome in Germany, people still doubted us. I was beyond excited to go spend two months with the man I loved in an amazing place I'd always dreamed of going. But everyone told me to "be careful" because we'd never spent that much time together before. They told me to "be ready in case things don't work out." They asked me what I would do if I wanted to come home early, if I was sure I was ready to spend that much time with him. When I was so exited to go to Europe and be with the man I fell in love with, all they could focus on was the negative. I just wanted them to be happy for me, but it seemed like they couldn't. It was almost like we had to "prove ourselves." We had to prove that what we felt was real by spending that time together and making it through. Which we did.

It's been over a year now, and I can happily say that I don't feel my friends judge my relationship anymore. At least not in the same ways. They know that Handsome is special and that what we have is real. Sure, sometimes they make fun of me because we're "cheesy," but that's okay. I love doing the overly romantic cheesy things. We argue over who loves each other more, we call each other just to say "I love you," we talk about the big things in our future like they're happening now. My friends might make judge me for it, but it's what keeps our relationship special. We never stop the little things. I never stop gushing over how perfect he is. He never stops telling me how beautiful I am. We don't take each other for granted. 

They can judge me, but I know that I'll never judge someone else's relationship again.  I used to think a girl was crazy if she got back with a guy that cheated on her. I used to think that the dynamic between certain people's relationship was "weird," and I used to be the one to judge people. I think we all do at some point. But I've learned that every relationship is different. If the girl that got cheated on trusts him, really trusts him, then who am I to think otherwise? If a couple's dynamic isn't "normal," who am I to say that they're not going to last? 

I'm glad that the way Handsome and I "met" wasn't typical. The path that our relationship has taken has been far from normal. Others may not understand it, but it has made our relationship so strong. I no longer care what other's think. If they want to judge us, let them. I'm happy, he's happy, and that's all that matters to me.
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17 comments:

  1. totally true. we have no idea how a couple is behind closed doors; all we see is what we see on the outside but have no idea what's going on in the inside. people will always think they know better than you which is annoying but whatever; i just say "meh" and ignore them :)

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  2. This is awesome! So happy for you! I always say never listen to what others say about your relationship. They are not in it like you are and they do not know the ins and outs of your relationship like you do. My husband and I meet online and he is the single best thing that has ever happened to me! Kudos to you!

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  3. I agree with this so much. I actually lost friendships with 4 people over my relationship with my, now, fiance. I'd never dated anyone else before him and when we met I was living in a different country and he wasn't even in the same city as me. On our first date I went to his city to see him and he bought me a hotel room so I could stay the night and enjoy ourselves without worrying about making a train back to my city. My friends were all leery of him doing that telling me he just wanted to get in my pants but I knew that there was nothing nefarious about what he was doing, he just genuinely wanted to make sure we had a good time together. He even ended up calling in sick the next day because he knew I was still in town so he could show me around. After I was done school I ended up moving in with him for the rest of my time in England, and all my friends told me I had to "be careful" and not "go to fast". But never once have I ever regretted a single thing that happened between us. That summer turned out to be the best in my life and even when I came home to Canada sure the distance sucked but he ended up moving here, for me, less than a year later. It killed me that I had so many judgemental people in my life who couldn't see I was finally happy and that I had finally found someone who gave me the moon. I wanted to prove so bad to them that they were wrong that I exhausted myself trying to please everyone. I've finally gotten to a point where I accept that what I have with my fiance is ours, not anyone elses. There is no perfect formula for love, no one knows "the right way" of doing it. Everyone just thinks they know instead of accepting that no one way is right.

    (I'd also like to point out all the friends I lost over this... are still single.)

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  4. You're so right! Congrats on finding love and knowing that what others think doesn't matter. I'm so happy for you! :) People were skeptical of R and my's relationship, but now, everyone just assumes it's going to work because we've been together so long. It took some real convincing, though!

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  5. Being in a long distance relationship for three years was hard to not let other peoples thoughts about my relationship get to me. Things like you think he is being faithful to you that far away or it isn't real since your not in the same place. Def hard to rise above others opinions but following your own feelings is always the best way to go.

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  6. So true. People just jump at the opportunity to judge everyone else's relationship. People crave judgement and want to make their own lives justified. Great job not listening to "the haters" haha :) Happy loving!

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  7. Hear, hear, girl. My husband and I actually met online, and I remember the scorn in people's voices when we would tell them that. We managed distance, hardship tours, family drama - all of it - and it just made us stronger. What's right for some is not right for everyone, but never let their judgment have any toll on you and your man! xo

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  8. I absolutely love this- really, really love this- on so many levels. First of all, it's encouraging to read about dating online gone RIGHT when so much what we hear about is negative. It encourages me, a single girl, to hear that it worked out...more than just worked out, really!...for someone I "know." Secondly, I'm glad that it isn't just ME who feels this way. I just feel like people DON'T GET IT and just choose not to try to understand sometimes. Even now, I'm approaching my friends with a new "interest" in my love life and they are just so judgmental. They don't get it & they aren't living my life- but- they still feel like they can criticize...it's frustrating! I really enjoyed this post & appreciate that it was so relate-able:)

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  9. It's all about quality over quantity... there are people who can spend every day together and still not know each other as good as you two did after only seeing each other in person a few times.

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  10. So glad you went with your gut and didn't listen to those who doubted. Only the two in the relationship can really know where it is going to go.

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  11. I've been there & it's rough. I had one relationship that began online & even though it didn't work out, that wasn't because of how we met or how little we saw each other in person. Had he been a better guy, it would have worked. Had it been my fiance, we would have made it work. And even in my currently relationship, because we worked together when we met & started dating, so many people warned me about how awful & awkward it was going to be if we broke up. Every relationship comes with risks, but when you know in your heart that it's right & it's what makes you happy, everyone who cares for you should be there to support you!

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  12. Love this! My husband and I met online. We started off with email conversation, then texts, then we chatted on the phone here and there for two months then we met in person. I was so nervous the day we met that it would take a long time for our physical relationship in person would be awkward and take awhile to catch up with the emotional one we already had but I was wrong. I felt different immediately with him. One month and nine days after the day we met in person, Chris proposed to me. We had a lot of negative people saying we rushed things and we wouldn't last....but here we are, four years later and happily married!

    It is so important to remember not to judge people and their relationships. We have no clue what it is like, and EVERY situation is different!

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  13. I think this to a point can be said about friendships forged through the blog world. My little sister asked me if one of my blog friends was my best friend, and my mom cut in before I was able to and said, she can't be, she's never met her, but the thing is, she is one of my best friends!

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  14. You can always text me about stuff like this <3

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  15. Good for you - for not letting them inside your head. You would be missing out on so much. Everything else in our world continues to evolve, so it makes sense that the way in which to meet people would, too! So happy that you are happy!

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  16. I can totally understand how you can KNOW right away. I felt attracted to my boyfriend almost as soon as we were introduced to each other, even though it took us a long time to finally get together.

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  17. How you two met is very much like Jason and I. We met through a random ICQ message back in 1997. We talked for several months. Then my dog, Rascal, and I at the time drove to Seattle to meet him (from Idaho) while he was up visiting his cousin for a job fair (he was getting out of the Air Force). Look at us we have been together almost 16 years now. Living together since 1999. I think its easier for girls like you and I to meet people online first, it just helps so much that meeting anxiety. *hugs* I love the sounds of your relationship and I wish you the BEST!!!

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