I can't do diets. Especially since I've started blogging, I see tons of people doing a bunch of different diets. Which is awesome for them. If you don't want to eat sugar or carbs or anything but water you go girl. But I can't do it. I love brownies and hot cheetos. I like to binge eat chocolate and eat In-N-Out. It's hard enough for me to give up dairy and gluten, and I cheat more than I should. But I would never do it by choice. If my stomach didn't feel like it was going to explode when I eat dairy, I would have pizza  for breakfast, grilled cheese for lunch, macaroni for dinner, and ice cream for dessert. And like I'm not even joking. I could do that every day. PS as I'm writing this I'm eating goldfish. Yolo.

I've tried dieting. I've tried giving up sugar. Guess how long that lasted? Maybe an hour. Yes. An hour. I suck. Before I had to give up gluten, I tried it for dieting purposes. I tried no bread or pasta. Guess how long that lasted? Two days. Look at me making progress. But really I hate the term "diet." I like to eat healthy, but I don't think that I need to diet. If I want hot cheetos, I'm going to eat hot cheetos. I don't want to feel guilty when i eat a donut. I exercise and I eat healthy-ish for the most part, so why do I feel so guilty when I eat crap?

I'm really bad with the negative self talk. Every time I eat something that I "shouldn't" because it isn't healthy, I complain that I'm being "fat." I can't even tell you how many times I've sent DJ a text saying "We're going to In N Out…kill me" or "Ugh I just ate a donut I hate myself." Obviously I don't actually "hate myself" so why do I always say that? I'm starting to realize how bad that negative self talk can be. I'm no model, but I'm not overweight, yet I always feel guilty when I eat crap. But really, who cares? I'm really working on this because I know I shouldn't feel guilty if I have something that isn't healthy. It's not like the way I eat is so bad that I'm putting my health at risk. I don't have fast food every day. I don't eat so much sugar that I'm going to lose my teeth. Sure, I like my share of junk food once and a while, but who doesn't?

There are some days when I look in the mirror and all I can think is, "Get it together Brianna, you really need to work out." But then there are other days when I think "Dayum girl." You know. But I'm really trying to love myself. When I feel "fat," I'll workout. When I feel good, I'll complement myself. I've been catching my tongue when I start the negative talk, and I remind myself that I'm done with that. No more body shaming. No more feeling guilty. If I want a damn brownie, I'll eat a brownie. If I'm feeling like I have some self control (which is rare) I'll say no to ice cream.

I'm now just focusing on sticking to my "diet" of gluten and dairy free. I'm focusing on loving my body. I'm focusing on exercise. And I feel good. DJ and I are going to workout a lot over the summer, and I'm excited that it'll actually be cool enough for me to run outsie
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